Leonardo DiCaprio has been nominated for six Academy Awards, but Leonardo DiCaprio has won zero Academy Awards. He couldn’t even catch a break when he was nom’d in the Best Picture category as a producer on The Wolf of Wall Street. This year Leo received his third Best Actor nod for killing a bear with bare hands in The Revenant. Can that cinematic feat do what staring down warlords in Blood Diamond, canning his own urine in The Aviator, and tossing dwarves and drinking non-alcoholic beer in Wolf could not? The answer is: we have no idea. But we do know that Leo should have won an Oscar by now—and not just for the stuff he’s done on screen.
Here are eight times we would have handed DiCaprio a shiny prize for his Oscar-less trophy shelf:
1. Because he once tamed a notoriously vicious beast: the swan—a feat repeated just one other time in human history, by the Icelandic fairy, Bjork.
2. For that time he almost died. (Runners up: the other two times he almost died.) Skydiving Leo was once strapped into a parachute that didn’t open (luckily the backup did). Meanwhile, Jetsetting Leo had a plane engine explode on him during a flight to Russia. And Underwater Leo was nearly eaten by a Great White shark. For surviving these hardships and others, the actor’s been described as a “real man” by no less a personage than Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin. But that’s still not the same as winning an Oscar.
3. When he gave Gaga the side eye at the 2016 Golden Globes. And then lived to tell about it.
4. For all those times he’s walked among us without our ever knowing—shopping, dancing, eating pizza, and attending outdoor music festivals. For your consideration, may we present Leo: master of the subtle disguise.
— Roboshayka (@Roboshayka) April 13, 2014
5. Because, as a child, he was kicked off the set of Romper Room for misbehaving and instead of feeling like a failure and giving up on acting he persevered and went on to win an Osc— oh, wait. He, uh… went on to compete in a game show where successfully caught small fish with his teeth
6. For seeming like he genuinely believes that The Revenant is about indigenous peoples. In his Best Actor Golden Globe acceptance speech (yes, Leo does win some of the awards some of the time) he told the audience, “It is time that we recognize your history and that we protect your indigenous lands from corporate interests and people that are out there to exploit them. It is time that we heard your voice and protected this planet for future generations.” A nice sentiment and a great cause to tie your movie to (especially during awards season) it’s just that The Revenant is a revenge drama about a couple of white dudes. And a bear.
7. Because a photo of him running shirtless with a squirt gun became a meme and he didn’t retire from public life.
8. And finally, because he believes so wholeheartedly in the environment that he’ll call out a benign Alberta wind as being part of the problem. Filming The Revenant near Calgary, Leo said: “We would come and there would be eight feet of snow, and then all of a sudden a warm gust of wind would come… it was scary… You see the fragility of nature and how easily things can be completely transformed with just a few degrees difference.”
Actually, that Oscar should go to whoever it was that had to tell DiCaprio about chinooks.
See Leo probably win at this year’s Academy Awards, airing February 28 on CTV.
By Corrina Allen