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On the newest episode of Broad City (appropriately titled “Just the Tips”) Abbi acknowledges that, unlike Ilana and Jaimé, she doesn’t have a tip metaphor with which to end off her week. But little does Abbi know that her tips are just as important (if not as literal) as Ilana and Jaimé’s.
AH, YOUNG LOVE
We start right where last week’s episode left off, with Abbi in a new, blissful relationship with Mike the paramedic. Mike is great, and the sex is great (despite the fact that Bevers has zero respect for boundaries).
And even though Abbi and her latest boy toy have only been together for “six long, long days,” she’s taking any opportunity she can to talk about her new BF in front of Ilana, her coworkers, and complete strangers. She’s even become one of those people who does the “no you hang up” thing while talking on the phone. Cringe.
But we get it—being in a committed relationship after years of flings and one-night stands can feel refreshing, even empowering. Which is why we can’t completely blame Abbi when she gets a big head and offers some misguided love advice to a distraught woman at a party. The woman tearfully admits that she’s having marital issues, but the fact that Abbi herself has never been married doesn’t stop her from going into full-on Oprah mode (we did just find out that Abbi worships Oprah enough to get a tattoo of her face, after all).
After Abbi offers a few tips (there we go!), the grateful but curious woman asks Abbi how long she’s been with Mike. Uh oh. Abbi insists she feels like she’s known Mike for “three, maybe four months,” but the woman can’t keep it together when she learns that Abbi doesn’t even know Mike’s middle name. Which, in Abbi’s defense, middle names aren’t exactly things you go around talking about all the time.
Abbi admits that she jumped into things with Mike too quickly and calls him to break up. But Mike reveals (mid-resuscitation) that he had no idea Abbi wanted to be exclusive and was seeing other people during their entire six day “relationship.” Little did Mike know that while he was reviving one heart, he may have been breaking another.
It would have been nice to see the Mike storyline play out for a few more episodes, but on the other hand the downfall of their relationship gave Abbi the chance to realize that she doesn’t have to define herself as a relationship girl or a casual girl, despite what Trey says.
Now that Ilana has a swanky new waitressing job, she’s making some serious bank. But she’s also been working an insane amount of double shifts, which means her level of physical health isn’t exactly stellar.
Ilana tries to ease the pain by flaunting her newfound wealth—which means not just buying new stuff, but attending parties where she can show off said new stuff. So she selects “attending” on the first Facebook party invitation she sees and treats herself to a pedicure…where she accidentally insults the nail salon owner within minutes. Whoops.
Ilana notices a fellow customer getting long, press-on nails and, now that money is “no object,” decides to get the same thing. She then drags her disgruntled brother, Eliot, to a sex shop to get a “second opinion on a new leotard.” Eliot tries his best to be supportive and assures Ilana that the leotard makes her boobs look “bountiful, or whatever,” but it’s clear that this is not Eliot’s area of expertise. When Eliot asks Ilana why she didn’t bring Jaimé along instead, she takes personal offense and reminds her brother that “gays aren’t interchangeable.”
And bringing Jaimé along probably wouldn’t have been a great idea anyway seeing that he’s on the cusp of doing something potentially life-changing—getting circumcised. Jaimé doesn’t want to lose his tip, but unfortunately his pH balance makes him prone to yeast infections, which ultimately drives him to put physical wellness above physical pleasure.
Ilana pulls up to the party in a stretch limo with her new nails, leotard, and bright orange wig on display (which kind of makes us want to put together a ‘rich party girl Ilana’ costume for Halloween).
Drunk with power, she starts ingesting champagne, cocaine, and cheese cubes as if it’s her last night on earth—which comes back to haunt her when she realizes that Lincoln is at the party, too. The lethal combo of food and drugs along with the shock of meeting Lincoln’s new girlfriend sends Ilana running off to the bathroom in a panic. Unfortunately, she doesn’t make it there in time and soils her new ensemble. RIP leotard.
Luckily Ilana’s loss is our gain, as the incident leads to a couple of heartwarming scenes between her and Lincoln. Lincoln’s able to recognize Ilana’s “I’m shitting my leotard” face immediately and follows her to the bathroom to offer moral support. And literal support, as Ilana’s nails make it kind of hard for her to get cleaned up without injuring herself.
Ilana’s bummed that Lincoln’s moved on. Nevertheless, she eventually admits that she’s been in a good place since they (sort of) broke up. We know it’s only been a few episodes since we last saw Lincoln, but watching him assure Ilana that pooping herself at a party isn’t that bad makes us realize how much we miss having him on the show. And while we hope this isn’t the last we see of him, at least we can walk away from this episode knowing that The Great Leotard Incident of ’17 has bonded Lincoln and Ilana for life.
BEST IN QUOTES
“Who da fresh man meat?” – Bevers asking Abbi about Mike
“You owe me a doo doo favour, bitch.” – Ilana leaving Abbi a voicemail, trying to convince her to help clean up Ilana’s mess
“What I just did when you closed your eyes made it worse. Much, much, much worse. It became a medical issue.” – Ilana talking to Lincoln about her poop situation
“Saving lives lol.” – A text Mike sends Abbi, along with a picture of him standing next to a man with a head injury
“It’s like when the world crumbles beneath my feet and when I open my eyes, the universe is reborn.” – Jaime describing what it feels like when he has sex
To follow Ilana’s path to physical and emotional leotard recovery, check out new episodes of Broad City every Thursday at 2:30 a.m. ET.