Grimes Outlines Her Fitness Routine Including Sword Fighting And Experimental Eye Surgery

Honestly, a 20 to 25-minute daily screaming sesh sounds like our kind of therapy, but it’s just one of many steps in Grimes’ fitness routine.

Last night, Stella McCartney announced Grimes (a.k.a. Claire Boucher) as the new face of their upcoming collection with Adidas. Though there is a lot to be excited about for this upcoming line, like its use of recycled materials for its fabrics, we all can’t shut up about Grimes’ workout regimen that she outlined in her most recent Insta post.


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ADIDAS: Tell us about ur training regimen ? GRIMES: My training is a 360 approach. I first maintain a healthy cellular routine where I maximize the function of my mitochondria with supplements such as NAD+, Acetyl L-Carnitine, Magnesium, etc. This helps promote ATP and it’s incredibly visceral. From that point I spend 2-4 hours in my deprivation tank, this allows me to “astro-glide” to other dimensions – past, present, and future. In the afternoons I do a 1-2 hour sword fighting session with my trainer, James Lew, we go over the fundamentals that work the obliques, core stabilizes, and triceps as well as a few tricks. To wind down from this I spend 30-45 minutes on an inclined hike at roughly 4-4.5 miles per hour, arguably the most efficient workout. I then spend 45 minutes stretching before heading into the studio where my mind and body are functioning at peak level, with a neuroplastic goal between 57.5 and 71.5 AphC’s (which is my preferred range for my blood type). I’ve outfitted my studio with the highest grade of red light. It is pretty much 1000 sqf IR Sauna. Hana then comes over and we do a screaming session for 20-25 minutes while I slow boil the honey tea that maximizes vocal proficiency. I have also eliminated all blue light from my vision through an experimental surgery that removes the top film of my eyeball and replaces it with an orange ultra-flex polymer that my friend and I made in the lab this past winter as a means to cure seasonal depression. I go to bed with a humidifier on. #asmc #adidasparley #createdwithadidas #gentrifymordor

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Two to four hours in a deprivation tank to “astro-glide” across time dimensions? A one to two-hour sword training sesh with 67-year-old martial arts actor, James Lew? An experimental optical surgery replacing the outer film of your eyeball with an orange ultra-flex polymer that you and “your friend” (we’re guessing SpaceX mastermind and billionaire, Elon Musk, perhaps?) created to eliminate blue light from your vision?

The routine is undeniably on-brand with Grimes’ unconventional persona, but there can’t be enough hours during the day to truly incorporate this kind of fitness regimen into her daily life (especially not with an album in the works.)

Still, we’re gagged by Grimes’ take on our modern age’s extreme fitness workouts—though the humidifier sounds plausible, and is actually a great lubricant for a musician’s vocal cords.

If you’re looking to cop the new line, you can pre-order the collection on Stella McCartney’s website. We recommend blasting Grimes’ latest single, “We Appreciate Power,” while you’re waiting for this new athleisure to come to your door—or while waiting for the still TBD Miss Anthropocene to drop.