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Here’s What Harry Styles’ New ‘Kiwi’ Video Could Mean

It’s been six months since Harry Styles released his debut solo music video for “Sign of the Times.” Since then, the British pop star has dropped his self-titled debut album, performed on Saturday Night Live, embarked on a world tour, shot a BBC special, and released as sort of second music video. The visuals for “Two Ghosts” were actually part of Style’s Apple Music documentary, but we’ll count it as a music video since he’s counting it.

Now Harry has followed up with the proper third music video, this time for his own version of “Billie Jean” with “Kiwi.” The song is all about drugs, alcohol and pregnancy resulting from a one night stand, so obviously the music video should include children and puppies.

The video features a group of children who are stylishly dressed like Harry and facing off against one another Hunger Games (pun!) style in the school gymnasium armed with baked goods. After the first cupcake flies, an all-out food fight begins, with Styles jumping in for the final few moments armed with a group of puppies. Is anyone else concerned these puppies are going to get really sick from the baked goods? Just us? The video ends with Styles and the kids posing for a school picture, with Harry looking like the teacher you prayed for but never got. Or maybe you did, but he was your teacher in second grade, so you didn’t appreciate his hotness.

Of course, the big question with “Kiwi” is—what was that? Should we understand what we just watched? Is there something about Kiwis or New Zeleand or The Great British Bake-Off that we’re not getting? A connection that isn’t being made?

The likelihood is that the video doesn’t actually mean anything and is just a fun three minutes. But for the sake of education (think of the children), we’ve come up with five possible explanations.

 

The little girl in suit is actually Style’s daughter from a one night stand. Harry didn’t know about her existence until recently, so now he’s trying to make up for lost time by being the ‘fun’ Dad.

Children have overthrown the school and Styles is the only surviving teacher.

harry styles food kiwi video

The children are rebelling against the new ‘no gluten’ sign posted in their cafeteria.

Their school trip is cancelled because someone forgot to post signs for their charity bake sale, leaving them with a mountain of baked goods and no funds raised. Since no one will take responsibility for the signs, a brawl takes place. Don’t worry kids, this looks like more fun than the zoo anyways.

Schools in England are way more fun than we realized. We should move to England. Is this what the British mean by ‘tea time?’ We envisioned this totally wrong.