When rumours hit the web this week that Drizzy was releasing new material, music fans hoped it would be in the form of a mixtape. Instead, it was a short film named Jungle that felt a little too long.
The first few minutes of Jungle contain b-roll from news segments that are equal parts depressing and unrelated. Not a great start. We also see family videos featuring a tiny Drake with very big glasses singing The Fugees. Okay, looking better.
Back to present day, Drake is driven around the Hollywood Hills looking pensive and sad right before manifesting himself in Canada, a terrible idea based on weather alone. Is he sad because he’s going back to winter? That would actually make sense. It’s a plot we can get behind.
Next, Drake brings Chrismukkah early to the internet by delivering a solid five minutes worth of Sad Drake meme screengrabs while he sits in a Toronto coffee shop and people watches. Everyone he sees is as sad as sad Drake, but that could also just be the result of the polar vortex. Seriously, why would you come back to Canada before April? Somewhere in Florida a whole community of retired Canadians are laughing at Drake right now.
Okay, so what’s next? Drake drives around the city with his friends, then he falls asleep, or we fell asleep. Who can keep track?
Now we’re at a house party with a red filter over it and Drake uses the Zack Morris Time-Out trick so that he can walk around and do…nothing. Nothing happens. In slow-motion. Nothing is happening and we have to watch nothing happen in slow motion under a red light. Why, Drizzy?
For those of us who woke up this morning excited for a mixtape, we have to settle for about six seconds of new music and 14 minutes of our lives that don’t make any sense. We love Drake. We love his music. We love that he reps the T Dot. We love that he is trying something new and different with Jungle. We’d just love a plot as well.