It’s been a weird week in headlines. Couples are breaking up (Ben and Jennifer, Kourtney and Scott), butts are being Instagrammed (#BieberButt), but this may be the most shocking news of all: Matt Damon’s brand new ponytail.
The actor debuted this new look at a press conference for his latest movie, The Great Wall, and, well, forget the Great Wall — let’s talk about the GREAT HAIRDO. Okay, that last part is debatable. In fact, it’s so debatable that it’s splitting the Much offices apart as Damon’s long hair has sparked a pretty heated debate between writers Allison and Melody. Take a look below as each make their case for and against Matt Damon’s new ponytail.
Tell us in the comments below or @Much: do you like Matt Damon’s new look?
CUT YOUR HAIR, MATT DAMON
Is Matt Damon playing Leonardo DiCaprio in an upcoming Lifetime movie? Because that’s the only way you can explain Damon’s recent hair growth. Matt Damon, A-list actor/ageless hunk, has grown a ponytail and, well, I’m a little worried.
See, this is regular Matt Damon. The epitome of a 44-year-old man who is secretly hoarding the fountain of youth and making women of all ages swoon. Look at him, so put together and so charming. This look screams: “Hey girl, I’m a grown ass man who has mastered the art of grooming.”
And then, there’s this.
What fresh hell is this? Untucked shirt, lazy scruff and hair that looks like it hasn’t been washed in weeks. WEEKS. This is literally making me weep. Please take my tears and wash your hair with it, Matt. It’s the very least you can do if you decide to keep this look.
Don’t get me wrong, ponytails work for some male stars: Jared Leto, David Beckham and Zayn Malik were all ambassadors for luscious man buns and/or ponytails, but it’s not for everyone. It’s not for Matt Damon.
This look completely untangles that clean-cut all-American image he spent years perfecting and I don’t really see it paying off. So yes, I’m praying that this is just for a movie role because, if I see him holding an e-cigarette or running around with a water gun, I will personally take a pair of scissors to Matt’s hair.
DO YOU, MATT DAMON
I could just wrap up my argument with six simple words: Matt Damon can do no wrong.
But as one of the greatest actors of our generation, Damon deserves more than that. Also, I’ve been preparing for this argument since School Ties came out in 1992. My time has come.
It’s pretty safe to assume that Damon’s new ponytail is for The Great Wall and will likely be gone once shooting has been completed. Our time with Matt’s mane will be short, but full of love and appreciation.
I understand that ponytails are not for everyone and in the opinion of my debate partner Melody, definitely not for Matt Damon. I disagree. Obvi. Here’s why.
Look Out, Hemsworth
He’s totally out Hemsworthing Chris-Freakin-Hemsworth. I bet Damon can pick up Thor’s hammer with that ponytail.
Respect The Hustle
Matt Damon is a 44 year-old man who has grown a ponytail. Sure, not all the hair is likely his, but if you’ve got it, why not flaunt it.
Time Machine Haircut
I don’t know how it’s possible, but I’m certain that Damon’s ponytail created a time machine that let Ginuwine go back to 1996 and inspire his breakout song.
Little Ladies Love It
Matt Damon has four daughters. FOUR DAUGHTERS. Think of all the money he’ll save on toys and books and downloading Apps by letting them play with his hair for minutes on end.
Ladies and Men Love It
Jason Bourne with a pony tail? No amount of amnesia will make me forget how good he looks.
Jason Bourne Shamed Jack Dawson
Leonardo DiCaprio was forced to retreat all the way up to Nunavut to hide his messy pony in shame.
I like it.