With a particularly wide array of horror flicks to choose from at this year’s Toronto International Film Festival, Adam Wingard’s Blair Witch sequel was definitely high on the ‘do-not-watch-this-movie-if-you-plan-on-getting-a-good-night’s-sleep-in-the-next-year’ list. If you’re a scaredy-cat like me, you know this list exists. Just like ghosts and witches exist.
Prior to watching the Canadian premiere of Blair Witch at TIFF’s Midnight Madness, the scariest movie I had ever let myself see was probably Gothika, and I still had to sleep with my parents that night. So you can rest assured that this Scaredy-Cat’s guide is a legitimate attempt at helping you get through a screening of Blair Witch. By following this rigorous nine-step program, you too should be able to Blair-ly survive watching the scariest film at TIFF.
They make really good shields.
Stretchy pants aren’t just for eating popcorn. When you’re a scaredy-cat, you’ll want to be able to slouch low in your seat and hug your legs in tight for maximum safety.
Because there will be jitters.
I took my 19-year-old sister.
My memory from the film’s final hour consists of flashes of trees, feet and the odd tear-streaked, dirty face. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
At this point, I’ve told you to curl into a ball and close your eyes. Plugging your ears is the obvious next step.
This should come naturally to you. But once you scream, you’ll laugh at yourself. And laughing makes you feel fine for a fleeting moment.
Laugh through the fear. Laugh while your heart steadies to a normal beat. And silently make a vow to never go camping ever again.
I went with The Office.
As a test, why not try lasting through the whole trailer below? Blair Witch officially hits theatres on Friday, September 16.