In Damien Chazelle’s La La Land, Ryan Gosling flips off the girl of his dreams, shoulder-checks the girl of his dreams and gets humiliated at work by the girl of his dreams all before getting to take her out on a simple movie date. Then she (played by Emma Stone) breaks up with him. We won’t spoil the movie by telling you whether or not the couple gets back together, but we will highlight how to get dumped like a champ, with pointers inspired by Gosling.
Remember: She’d never even see Rebel Without a Cause before she met you. You’ll always have James Dean.
This means continuing to “Like” the occasional Instagram post, forwarding all her phone messages and driving long distances to places even more culturally bereft than Los Angeles. Nevada, for example. We didn’t say this would be easy.
At least not until you’ve tap-danced out of frame.
Try becoming a successful jazz club owner…or a successful whatever you’re actually good at. Videogame-playing does not count. Bonus points if you manage to get John Legend’s number saved to your phone.
Play the song/paint the painting/perform the life-saving emergency medical procedure that makes her finally see what your life together would look like.
La La Land premiered at TIFF earlier this week. Catch a second screening on Friday, September 16 or see it in theatres when it opens this December. Check out the trailer below.